Sodom and Gomorrah: A Comedy

 

Kevin the deity and Abraham  stood on a hill-top looking out over the valley.  Kevin was Abraham’s patron deity, having recruited him when Abraham was younger and just embarking on his life of shepherding and occasional con. Kevin offered protection and certain perks, in exchange for obedience and dedication. The relationship, seemed to work, even if Kevin did sometimes put odd demands on his devotee.

Kevin pointed down to two towns  nestled between a lake and a mountain range.  “Those towns over there are wicked I’m going to destroy them.”

“Why?” Abraham asks. “Sure they have gambling, pole dancers, and that booze factory. But evil? I’ve never thought so. Besides, my nephew lives there. If Lot lives there, it can’t be all bad.”

“I don’t care.” Kevin says. “I say it’s evil, and I’m going to destroy the them.”

Abraham negotiated for the next several hours with Kevin,  to try to keep his deity from killing his friends and family in the towns of Sodom and Gomorrah. It never occurred to him to warn them about what Kevin was planning. But then who would have believed him? Finally Kevin conceded to at least save Lot, probably just to shut Abraham up, even promising to send a couple of angels to do the job.

Kevin’s dispatched angels, George and Hector walked into town having been sent by their boss for an extraction prior to an god ordained cataclysm.

“Geez.” George said. “This place. Did you see? It has…it has…”

“I know.” Whispered Hector incredulously. “I never thought I’d ever see that in any eternity.”

The two angels were disguised as ordinary travelers. Reaching the town well, which doubled as the town center, they sat on a nearby bench and gawked. All around them were all the signs of the evil Kevin had warned them about, casinos, shopping malls and what appeared to be a dining hall. It had a sign hanging from the eave stating “Bronze Corral. All you can eat and drink. 6.99 dinars.”

“I’m hungry.” George’s stomach rumbled loudly. “Maybe we can grab a bite before we go find this Loot guy.”

“It’s Lot. And you ain’t stepping a foot into that den of inequity.” Hector grabbed the back of George’s robe, pulling his partner back down onto the bench. “We need to figure out how to find our target. It’s getting dark, and Kevin said that this place gets really nasty after dark.”

They noticed a man hurrying past, and managed to get his attention. As luck would have it, the man was indeed Lot. The angels told Lot he was in grave danger from the wrath of Kevin, and needed to leave with them immediately. Lot didn’t buy it for a minute, but took pity on the two men,  obviously out of their element, so invited them home. He knew that all the inns were booked up for the upcoming Orgy and Bride Choosing Expo to start that evening.

Hector and George were Introduced to Mrs. Lot, two girls who were Lot’s daughters and a couple of young men who were the girl’s fiancees. A price was settled on for a night’s lodging, plus meals, Lot being the enterprising sort, and everyone settled in for the evening.

Dessert was interrupted by banging on the door followed by shouts. Lot went to the door, where he opened the peephole and peered out.

“Lot. You incongruous bastard. We know you took the delivery of orgy slaves delivered today at the well.” A man on the other side of the door yelled. “We want them back. You don’t get to play orgy dibs, this time. We want those slaves. They are needed to get us in the mood for bride choosing.”

“Orgy slaves? I didn’t see any slaves, just two…”. Lot looked over to the table where George and Hector were pretending to be invisible. Mrs. Lot had that look on her face Lot knew well, that “Dammit husband. You stepped in it again” look.

Lot turned back to the door. “Ahem.” He began. “You can’t have my guests. They aren’t the slaves you are looking for.”

Someone in the growing mob shouted. “We want our  orgy slaves. We want our  orgy slaves.” soon the chant was taken up by others.

“Look guys. They aren’t what you want.” Lot shouted, trying to be heard. “I got two unmarried daughters. Take them. You can use them to kick off your orgy, and then…”

“Daddy!” One of the girls exclaimed, “The men we are going to marry are right here!” The men in question, were looking anywhere else but their soon to be brides. They wondering if they could still sneak out for the orgy without getting noticed.  They knew that Orgies and bride choosing was taboo once one was married. The banging and shouting outside got louder, while Lot tried to talk the mob into a compromise.

Hector nudged George. “I want to go home. This is a disaster.” He pointed at Lot. ” We will never get that guy out of here now.”

“Yeah.” Whispered George. “I don’t want to get caught in another of Kevin’s configurations either.” He shuddered. ” Having to tread water for weeks, that last time until someone noticed us, was not fun.”

“Tell me about it.” Hector nodded. “I was pruney for a month.”

The sound of glass breaking against the house got the angels attention back on the task at hand . The two angels decided to make a break for it. Hector closed his eyes and concentrated a minute. Soon the shouts outside changed in tone.

“I can’t see!”

“Help! I’m blind!”

Quickly the angels led Lot and his family out of the house and through the milling, unseeing crowd. The family realized something strange was happening, something scary.  They decided to just get out-of-town, at least for the night, and the crowd sobered up. The two fiancees, seeing their chance made a bee line to the orgy location, certain of getting in some early action.

“Kevindammit. Where are you going?” George had stopped, turning to head down a side street.

“I’m still hungry.” George said. “Mrs. Lot’s cooking…well, it sucked. Everything was over cooked.”

“You got a point” Hector saw the Lot family run out past the gates. “Come on partner. Let’s grab some take-out before heading home.”

As soon as the family crossed out of the town’s borders,Kevin struck.  The family ran for their lives as fire and brimstone fell from the skies in a terrifying conflagration. Mrs Lot, forgetting the angel’s warning not to look back, turned her head for just a minute. It was her home she was fleeing, her friends, her whole life. She never took another step.

A few days later, the two daughters sat at the mouth of a cave perched on a mountainside overlooking their former home. Lot was out trying to find anyone left alive in the blackened terrain, still smoking in spots.

“Damn.” Trista, the older sister said. “I can’t believe it’s gone, our house, the guys Momma foisted off on us, the Orgy festival.”

“What are we going to do?” Said Darla, the younger.

“I don’t know.” The sisters sat looking morosely at the hellish scene below them.

“Do you think…do you think there is anyone out there?”  Darla inhaled, her breath hitching. “Anyone else alive anywhere?”

“I don’t know.” Said Trista.

Lot walked up the hill, nodding at his daughters was he walked into the cave. He didn’t stop till he got the casks that were stacked four high along the back wall. There he sat next to a tapped keg, and poured out a glass, to quench his thirst from his excursion. Their happening upon the cave owned by the Gomorrah’s Best brewing company, and used for ale storage and aging.

“Did Momma ever tell you that daddy and her were Orgy King and Bride Queen the year they met?” Trista, looked back at her father.

“So that’s why they always go the last day.” Said Darla. “I was supposed to go this year. One weekend of fun and bride stuff shopping.” She began to cry. “Now I’ll never have an orgy, or get married, or have babies.”

Trista patted her sister’s back still watching her father, who was pouring himself another glass of ale from the cask. “Darla, I have an idea.”

Darla, wiped her face with a sleeve. “What?”

“You want an orgy, and eventually babies, right?”

“Yeah…” ”

“Well we can have one right here.” Trista said.

“How? It’s just the three of us…OH!” Darla looked at her sister. “Do you think he would?”

“Who do you think took me to my first orgy, and made sure I knew what to do?” Said Trista as she pushed a strand of soot stained hair out of her face. “Besides, if he’s drunk enough, you can get Daddy to do just about anything.”

 

 

 

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