Even though my Facebook profile is somewhat behind the times on the ongoings that is my life, there have been a heap o’ change going on in my life.
To start of with, I got married over the weekend. I’ve mentioned the man who had the mental fortitude to decide live with me for the rest of our natural lives briefly, but I tend to keep my private life more private then many realize. That is because I am the typical introvert. We introverts aren’t necessarily shy, we just don’t let on a whole lot of stuff about ourselves, preferring privacy over attention.
Yet I have been my favorite topic in my writings for years…
Irony aside, I figured I’d finally go public with the fact that I am back off the market, one that I wasn’t even interested in entering, other then a brief period of curiosity about what dating in the 21st century may be like. Meeting Gary was unexpected, and quickly satisfied that curiosity (I didn’t have to look long yay!!!) The connection was a surprise for both of us in fact, and before I realized it (about two weeks in) I knew we’d be shopping for Depends together one day and looking forward to it! Gary is more the romantic then I. He would sweep me into his arms and I’d find my self dancing to muzac in the personal care products line, then help me look for the adult diaper in my size. Yeah I’ll need them first.
A year ago, I had settled for what seemed to be a certain future as a crazy cat lady/hermit/writer. I still have cats, in fact Miko is plotting the demise of the drink on my desk as I type, I still write, but I have hung up the goal of hermit status for good.
Gary, as much as we have in common, is my opposite in several ways. He’s better organized and neater then my haphazard, get to it later style. He’s the ultimate extrovert having the ability to talk to anyone, I don’t do crowds or strangers unless necessary. He’s more conservative idealistically to my more liberal leanings. He likes mowing the grass, I like looking at fresh cut lawns. He likes horror movies, I like sleeping without the nightmares horror movies give me. The poor man is attempting to teach this left handed klutz with the athletic capability of a kiwi how to play golf…ok I admit golf is fun. You have all sorts of excuses to use profanity while attempting to whack the crap out of that little ball. He loves to watch sports, I love to read. He hates broccoli and I’m plotting to introduce him to quiche. Yet, we laugh all the time, talk about anything and everything and sing bad harmonies along with what’s playing on the radio. We seem to work seamlessly together, and delegate household duties without a problem.
There’s only one catch to this wonderful love match, and it’s one that utterly unfair. I have to change everything that has my name and status attached. He just has to add me to his payroll deductions and health insurance. My social security card, my driver’s license are just the starters of the paperwork laden identity change I need to undergo. Human resources has to get my marital status information done…pending the arrival of the actual SS card in 7 to 14 days. Also, two banks, retirement accounts, my library card, insurance, bills, etc. that have my old name will have to undergo the process of upgrading my last name from Galloway to Parris.
When I got my new driver’s license this morning, the lady at the counter said “Well, I guess that it will take a whole day to get all that name change stuff done.”
Seriously? I still have to wait on all the final documentation to arrive, and then hope it only takes a week.
I’m trying to get used to writing my name with the new last name, and no I didn’t practice ahead of time. The men rarely have the need to even consider such a thing. Gary did offer to take on my maiden name. He thought it would be cool to be known as Gary King Parris.
Its all worth it in the end. Of course nothing is “official” until I change my Facebook status. I guess I need to go do that. Our meeting, falling in love and deciding to spend the rest of our lives together happened quickly. Being overtly voyeuristic on a social media website about what was happening was just not a priority, and I am not apologetic about it. I probably should have clued more people in though…but…introvert-ness still sorta runs my psyche.
The biggest change is to me personally. I literally am not the same person I was a few years ago. I am used to putting my personal needs last, not letting others get too close, I am after all an introvert, and feeling more alone then I let on. I wasn’t content with who I was, or where I was in my life, plus I had a healthy dose of grief and anger to deal with, as well as not being so sure I could trust another person intimately. Gary has helped me more then he knows. We both had failed marriages and have had similar emotional fall-outs as a result. We made the firm decision early on to make communication a priority in our relationship having learned that sharing the good, and the bad goes a long way to keeping the ugly at bay.
Today I am happy. I’ve always used humor liberally and often, I’ve always strived to be in a positive frame of mind, even when I didn’t want to be, I’ve always tried to see the best in others, and help them feel better in some way, but I never gave myself permission to take the advise I gave out, to put myself first once in a while, and to let my guard down long enough to see that it was ok to actually get the concept of happiness. It is possible that I may have eventually learned how to do all that on my own, but having help by a man who goes out of his way for me hasn’t hurt.
Getting married again was most definitely not on my agenda prior to meeting the man who upended those plans. In fact it wasn’t in his either. I think someone who knows whats best for us, despite ourselves had better plans for us. If our meeting was divine intervention, which I suspect it was, I am eternally grateful.